Friday, December 4, 2009

Band Geek Porn

Every morning I awake on my own, no alarm clock needed. My internal clock is such that I awake at the same time day after day. This is true even when I sleep in. I awake, then consciously decide to go back to sleep. Today I was awoken not by my internal mechanisms, but buy a steady thumping noise.

As it turns out, there is some high school marching band competition going on across the street, and some of the band geeks thought that 6:20 a.m. was a good time to make sure their drums were, I don't know, in tune. Do drums get out of tune? The point is that anyone practicing the drums at 6:20 a.m. should try hammering out their rhythms on their own genitals. It will likely be the most action the band geek will ever see.

Whomever was in charge quickly quieted the drummers, as he probably realized the possibility of being lynched for such behavior at 6:20 a.m. was extremely high. 6:20 a.m. may not be early for some of you, but it is 40 minutes before I get up. For reference, subtract 40 minutes from when your alarm goes off, then add drumming and multiply by band fag. The answer is A= the square root of you being pissed off. There, who says math is pointless, besides everybody.

As I write this now the air is filled with a mix of music and frustrated sexual inadequacy. This post is for the band fags. Fap away band fags:

This is not one of the drummers that awoke me, this is what those drummers secretly dream about.

I do not know what this image is titled, but I call it Mario Lopez and his penis . . . and his saxophone . . . and his penis.

This photo is proof that there can be no argument over whether the saxophone is gay. Let me be clear, the saxophone is totally gay.


The above images are from a blog called Wayne's Nude Musicians, except for the Kenny G pic which is from his 1983 album G Force.

Most of Wayne's pics, but not all, are of guys. Wayne is gay. There is nothing wrong with Wayne or anyone else being gay, but it does explain why Wayne's blog has so much cock.

Not all band geek porn is homosexual in theme:

I hope for his sake that there's a swallow valve.

The picture claims to be from but that's not where I found it.

Then, of course, there is the pr0n favorite of geeks everywhere, hentai. Hentai is a Japanese word that means, roughly, pervert. It is used in the U.S. as a classification of illustrated or animated porn of typically Japanese origin. There, who said you never learned anything on this blog? Not me, I would never say that. Here's some band geek hentai:

Admit it, the only question in your mind right now is whether that's a tuba or a sousaphone.

I'm not sure who the author of that monstrosity of a drawing is, and if you think that image is bad, be glad I didn't post the "Music in A Minor" drawing. Think about it for a while. When you get it, you'll want to vomit.

Anyway, that's enough of band geek porn. Besides, we all know the hot chicks are in orchestra:

If only one of them had a lute! I could totally get off then!